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Old 05-29-2005, 04:31 PM   #16
Azhag
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No replies or ratings?

Sorry for triple post. It was past 24 hours.
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Old 05-29-2005, 11:49 PM   #17
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Stop with the conversation already! You can hardly class either of those as 'chapters' as each consists of merely more than a few hundred words. Also, you make new sentences where this is no need to do so, try combine things into a more flowing technique, at the moment it seems too much like seperate lines than some kind of story.

Try and find some other way to describe things other than this annoying little creature asking question after question, work his story in without the use of her asking him, seriously, I think I'd have knocked the little bugger out by now for getting on my nerves.
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Old 05-30-2005, 04:16 AM   #18
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That was the point of it all, she was supposed to be annoying. She is also supposed to be a form of comic relief.
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Old 05-30-2005, 08:41 AM   #19
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Well, don't. Even if it *is* supposed to be annoying him it's annoying the reader, which isn't a good thing unless done correctly, that, however, isn't the right way.
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Old 05-30-2005, 09:35 AM   #20
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Datajax, please fuck off and stop spamming the forum. People don't post in this thread because they are kinda lazy. Personnally, I'm retiring from wc3c, I'll just post a few rewiews sometimes here and there. But seriously, I won't have anymore pity for these spammers that come and destroy threads in 1 post. Please go away from the stories galore Datajax, it was nice already before you came.
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Old 05-30-2005, 09:48 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BadFurDay
Datajax, please fuck off and stop spamming the forum. People don't post in this thread because they are kinda lazy. Personnally, I'm retiring from wc3c, I'll just post a few rewiews sometimes here and there. But seriously, I won't have anymore pity for these spammers that come and destroy threads in 1 post. Please go away from the stories galore Datajax, it was nice already before you came.

I personally think Datajax's comments were very relevant, if a little blunt. But hey, I'm blunt too, and you don't seem to complain *glare*. That's the problem with you people, honestly. SO SOMEONE OVER THE INTARWEB HURT YOUR FEELINGS. OMG YOU SHOULD CURL UP AND CRY YOURSELF TO SLEEP. It's called constructive criticism, ffs. If you don't want to be criticised, don't post. If you don't want to see any criticism, dig out your eyes. It's as simple as that.

Well maybe not, but you get the idea =P.
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Old 05-30-2005, 01:09 PM   #22
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Couldn't have put it better myself, I'm not going to type a few hundred extra words to gloss over the fact that it's badly constructed, and you can't force me. I've been here longer than you and while was here served time as a super mod of the art forums.

I happen to read a lot of fan fiction and novels, I know what it takes to make a good story and I will say what it takes and what needs improved on. You, my retarded little neighbour, can suck on my hairy nob. Have a nice day.
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Old 05-30-2005, 03:35 PM   #23
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Don't be like Rightfield "I have been here for longer than u so im t3h better"
Actually, this place does nothing but lower your I.Q.

Actually, look at your rewiew. You are not criticizing, but flaming. There is a big difference. Say that you don't like this story, I don't care, insult the writer (which I barely know, so I'm not here defending a friend) I do care.
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Old 05-30-2005, 03:38 PM   #24
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Well, it doesn't matter anymore because she isn't in the story... But I will try and work on my use of "emotions". Thanks for the tips.

BFD: Yes he did insult me, but I don't care. Who is the bigger person for it? Him who chooses to run a life of lowering himself to the level of a child, or me who doesn't care what the child thinks.

I took his advice, and ignored the childish remarks.

It's pretty bad, all I wanted was a good story that people could appreciate to read, and this is what I get for my work...
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Old 05-30-2005, 04:11 PM   #25
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Bah, I liked it. Indeed, the dialogue helps furthering character development as well as giving away details of the plot. The fact that their eyes are colored seems like a forced plot development; it's far too obvious that it means something. There's naturally the grammatical errors, but I don't really feel like going through them all right now :P I also don't like the ending of the second chapter, but this is just constructive criticism so you can do whatever you want. Oh yeah and one more thing, it seemed like chapter 2 didn't have nearly enough descriptions, I didn't get any sense of the actual buildings in the city and really not much else.

But through all of that criticism I did like it. It's got potential. Keep writing :)
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Old 05-30-2005, 04:19 PM   #26
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I never made any insult towards you, I gave pointers as to how to improve your story, and don't start with the bigger man shit, *espescially* not over the internet. Pissing contests don't work without being face to face.

The only childish remark was given to BFD for being a twat, if something is posted, nay, bumped, asking for criticisms and pointers then I'm free to give them.
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Old 05-30-2005, 04:51 PM   #27
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Let's list the insults in your post...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Datajax
Stop with the conversation already!
You're not telling the story is bad, rather to stop it. That's not criticism, thats fuckoffism.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Datajax
You can hardly class either of those as 'chapters' as each consists of merely more than a few hundred words
That's not an insult, but that's some excellent criticism. Telling someone that his chapters are too short so it's not a story. Eid drater.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Datajax
Try and find some other way to describe things other than this annoying little creature asking question after question, work his story in without the use of her asking him, seriously, I think I'd have knocked the little bugger out by now for getting on my nerves.
Now, you're saying his story is getting on your nerves and to kick out of the story the person that makes the story go forward. And, of course, you give him no replacement option, so this is not criticism ("Replace the little bugger by someone less annoying") but some insult to the story itself.
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Old 05-30-2005, 05:57 PM   #28
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You're an arse, really, I mean a proper dolt.

The bit about conversation is in relation to the fact nothing much happens which isn't a discussion, I'm not telling him to stop his story by any means, I'm suggesting that he should vary it and take into consideration other means of converying information.

I said the chapters can hardly be classed a such, it's true, the second chapter is little more than an extended conversation, it's true, that isn't really a chapter in itself.

The third one, yes, she is annoying, I'm saying she doesn't *have* to be the person that pushes the story along, and certainly not in the way which she does. I never said he should get rid of her entirely and I won't suggest possible replacements because that would then be telling him how, and who to incorporate, into his story.

Now, fuck off and stop being an idiot. I have not flamed him once, you, on the other hand, I have, notice the difference. Flame = personal insult IE everything I have said about YOU. Criticism = possible suggestions as to how to improve a piece of work IE everything I have said about the story and everything directed towards Azhag.

If you don't want criticisms then don't post your god damn work, let alone bump it. Also, if you want to try and 'defend' someone from a personal attack then make sure the supposed 'attack' exists.
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Old 05-30-2005, 06:18 PM   #29
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Too long didn't read
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Old 05-31-2005, 01:15 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BadFurDay
Let's list the insults in your post...
You're not telling the story is bad, rather to stop it. That's not criticism, thats fuckoffism.

He was telling Azhag not to use dialogue ALONE to further the story. It's basically what I said before - VARY YOUR BLASTED ADJECTIVES/VERBS/STYLE DAMNIT.



Quote:
Originally Posted by BadFurDay
That's not an insult, but that's some excellent criticism.
Telling someone that his chapters are too short so it's not a story. Eid drater.

His chapters ARE too short to qualify as chapters.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BadFurDay
Now, you're saying his story is getting on your nerves and to kick out of the story the person that makes the story go forward. And, of course, you give him no replacement option, so this is not criticism ("Replace the little bugger by someone less annoying") but some insult to the story itself.

Criticism is pointing out the flaws. Nobody is obligated to tell you HOW to do it - if we do for every single flaw we point out, we might as well write the whole damn story for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Datajax
You're an arse, really, I mean a proper dolt.

The bit about conversation is in relation to the fact nothing much happens which isn't a discussion, I'm not telling him to stop his story by any means, I'm suggesting that he should vary it and take into consideration other means of converying information.

I said the chapters can hardly be classed a such, it's true, the second chapter is little more than an extended conversation, it's true, that isn't really a chapter in itself.

The third one, yes, she is annoying, I'm saying she doesn't *have* to be the person that pushes the story along, and certainly not in the way which she does. I never said he should get rid of her entirely and I won't suggest possible replacements because that would then be telling him how, and who to incorporate, into his story.

Now, fuck off and stop being an idiot. I have not flamed him once, you, on the other hand, I have, notice the difference. Flame = personal insult IE everything I have said about YOU. Criticism = possible suggestions as to how to improve a piece of work IE everything I have said about the story and everything directed towards Azhag.

If you don't want criticisms then don't post your god damn work, let alone bump it. Also, if you want to try and 'defend' someone from a personal attack then make sure the supposed 'attack' exists.

Ditto.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Badfurday
Too long didn't read

Spam warning.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with you lately, and you obviously didn't get the hint with my previous post, so let me spell it out for you: STOP BITCHING AT PEOPLE FOR GIVING CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM - here, have a flame warning too. Datajax wasn't even being mean. (If you find yourself feeling moody and lashing out at people for no reason, I recommend Panadol Menstrual - You can't change periods, but you can change the way you feel about them!)
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