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Old 05-23-2005, 05:19 PM   #1
Azhag
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This is my first story I have posted in awhile. It is going to be a multi-chapter story. Depending on how you guys like the story, I might or might not continue posting and writing it.
Enjoy!

-----

Author's Note:
This story is set in Warcraft's world, but with some differences. Spells require certain conditions before they can be cast. Example, in order to cast a holy light spell, to heal wounds of the chosen target, the caster must have the rays of the sun to concentrate into the spell. In order to cast an entangling roots spell, to trap a chosen target, the caster must have the grass of a forest beneath his feet.
Each person has an energy that resides within the blood. With training and a lot of time, a person can learn to use this energy. In order to cast spells, a person has to use part of this energy. If the caster uses all this energy, they die. The elders of magic called this energy, synergies.

Prologue:
Ten thousand years ago, there was a war between the God of Good and the God of Evil. The gods used their powers to take control of random people and creatures of their world, to fight for them. The soldiers of both gods fought for one thousand years. On the thousand year, the gods met in battle. This collision killed the mighty gods, and vanquished their armies. This everlasting battle nearly destroyed the world they lived on. In their destruction, the gods used the last of the power they had to create lords. These lords were created to revive the gods, to start the war once again.

Chapter 1
The Awaited Hero

I opened my eyes to see the tops of the trees around me. The rays of the sun barely pierced through the leaves and branches. I had an incredible headache, which pounded the inside of my skull. It felt like I took a blow to the head. I tried to stand up but I couldn't, my muscles were too sore and aching. I looked around to see nothing but forest. I was lying on a trail, which had footprints of horses and other creatures on it. I wore a black robe, and standard clothes underneath it. My short black hair went with the wind, as my bright green eyes scanned the surroundings. Out of sheer exhaustion, I collapsed onto the ground and fell back asleep.

I was woken up by the sounds of creatures around me. Since I had rested, I could now get up, but was still sore. I stood up and looked around me. To my left was four gnolls, looking right at me. For some reason they looked like they were ready for battle, their flails swinging. I reached for my sword, but it was gone. I looked around for something I could use to defend myself, nothing. I finally saw three small looking ogres behind me. They were looking at me as well, and were ready to fight with their clubs in hand. Suddenly both parties began to charge at me. I ran for my life, off the trail and into the forest. I heard their footsteps behind me, but it was fading. I looked behind me to see them charging at each other.
Now that they were closer, I could see something that terrified me to the bone. The gnolls eyes were blood red, and the ogres were bright blue. I watched with intensity, as the ogres and gnolls attacked each other. One gnoll was killed by two ogres, who oddly enough missed and hit the wrong target. ‘Typical of ogres' I thought. The fight went on for many more minutes, until the last gnoll was killed.
The ogres picked up their fallen comrade and walked away from the battle. I moved over to get a closer look at the dead gnolls. When I came upon their bodies, their eyes were back to normal.

I tried to remember how I got here, but my headache was too strong. I moved around to try and find sunlight. Finally I found some I could use. I walked under the warm rays of light, and raised my hands into the air. Concentrating, I shouted “Holy Light!�, and then suddenly powerful rays of heavenly light bathed my body. My soreness and headache disappeared. I still couldn't remember how I got here. I looked around, and could still see nothing but forest. I decided to follow my instinct and head north. I walked beside the trail I was laying on, so I wouldn't be seen by any attackers again. I looked back, and then looked forward to see a young girls face upside down looking at me. “Hiyo…� she said studying me. I jumped backward and fell on the ground. “Oh man, you scared me.� I replied. “Try not to sneak up on me again.�
She looked to be about twelve years old. Her blonde hair was long and was put into a pony tail behind her head. She had bright blues eyes, different then the ones the ogres emitted. Her nose was small and perfectly round, something any girl would want. She was a heads width off my height. She was wearing a blue coat that stopped about halfway up the back. She had a bandanna around her head, which kept her hair in place, and standard clothes underneath.
“Sorry.� she smiled. She was hanging on a branch and swung down when I turned around. “Are you lost?� she said.
“Actually yes, but I don't need your help.� I replied annoyed.
“Why not?�
“I just don't need you help. Now get out of here.�
“Aww… But I want to help.� She said pouting.
I started to walk away. She swung back onto the branch and jumped to the next. She was following me. I looked back to see her smiling at me. I wondered why she decided to follow. I yelled out “I don't need your help!�
She jumped to a branch near me and said “But your lost, where are you going?�
I finally gave in. “To Loreshire�
“I know were that is.�
“Alright… thank you.� I said struggling. I hadn't thanked someone in many years; it was a hard thing for me to do.
I started to walk again. “Umm… Loreshire is this way.� she said, as she pointed in the opposite direction.
“Well, why didn't you say that before I started walking?� I replied annoyed.
“Why did you start walking before I said anything?� she said countering my comment.
My eye twitched. She was smarter then she looked.
“I uh… just lead the way.� I said annoyed.
“By the way, my name is Shanna.�
“Dantay.� I replied.
I began to walk in the direction she lead me. She was jumping from branch to branch. We walked for many minutes, and suddenly the branch she jumped on broke off. She fell to the ground and landed face first. I put my hand up to cover my face, I was embarrassed. I ran over to see her get up and laugh. Her face was red, and had dirt on it. “Ouch that really hurt.� she said.
I checked to see if she was okay. “I'm fine.� she said.
‘What have I got myself into?' I thought.

------

I don't know when I will get to chapter 2.

Last edited by Azhag : 05-23-2005 at 07:19 PM.
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Old 05-23-2005, 05:44 PM   #2
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Sounds kinda interesting, but you should work more on suspense between chapters. Else, it's an average story, that could get a very nice rating after a few chapters.
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Old 05-23-2005, 05:48 PM   #3
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I ended it there for suspence, also to leave the readers guessing. :P

EDIT: I had such a writing block. I couldn't writing anything if my life depended on it. But I am back now. I might start the next chapter today!
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Old 05-23-2005, 06:46 PM   #4
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I have very little to add to what Furry just said. With just this little part available, there is very little to comment on. Since nothing in particular happened - except the Ogre's and Gnolls - there is not much to say about it either.

I stick to the fact that I dislike Warcraft in it, but that is a personal opinion.

You might want to give your grammar a second look as well, even though it has been done in Word first. I was slightly annoyed by a few of them.
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Old 05-23-2005, 06:49 PM   #5
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Such as? Come on give me some examples.

EDIT: I have started to write the next chapter already, but will post it later on... (Possibly tonight, or tommarrow)

Last edited by Azhag : 05-23-2005 at 07:09 PM.
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Old 05-23-2005, 07:00 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Azhag
I tired to stand up but I couldn't, my muscles were to sore and aching.

To start with.

'I tried to stand up', not "I tired to stand up" and not "...were to sore and..." but '...were too sore and...'

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azhag
I wore a black robe, and standard cloths underneath it.
'Clothes', not "cloths", or I rather presume it should be 'clothes' instead of "cloths".

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azhag
‘What have I gotten myself in too?' I thought.
Not "what have I gotten myself in too", but 'what have I gotten myself into'.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azhag
Such as? Comeon give me some examples.
'Come on', not "comeon". Comeon is a sign of a bag of potato chips I ate a while ago, if I recall right. They taste quite good, may I add to it.
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Old 05-23-2005, 07:05 PM   #7
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Thanks, fixed mistakes. Oh man, it must be the morning. I knew about those mistakes and just kept writing.
After re-reading it carefully, I found a few more.

Last edited by Azhag : 05-23-2005 at 07:20 PM.
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Old 05-23-2005, 07:10 PM   #8
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There are several more than those, but I am not feeling like it to search 'm all out.
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Old 05-24-2005, 01:39 AM   #9
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im still thinking on this one. youll get my rating soon.
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Old 05-24-2005, 05:46 AM   #10
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Don't bother rating it until chapter 2 is posted.
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Old 05-24-2005, 12:30 PM   #11
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hokay dokay
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Old 05-25-2005, 01:28 PM   #12
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You know, I can't believe fladian missed it (after pointing out so many other mistakes). You spelt diminishing wrong >_<;;;.

"Spells require certain conditions before they can be cast. Example, in order to cast a holy light spell, to heal wounds of the chosen target, the caster must have the rays of the sun to concentrate into the spell. In order to cast an entangling roots spell, to trap a chosen target, the caster must have the grass of a forest beneath his feet."

That was quite a lot to explain 'ambient magic' =P.

Also, try to vary the expressions/adjectives you use - your character seems to be annoyed an awful lot =P.
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Old 05-25-2005, 02:58 PM   #13
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You know, I can't believe fladian missed it (after pointing out so many other mistakes). You spelt diminishing wrong >_<;;;.

Bah, I didn't look at that :P
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Old 05-25-2005, 03:33 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by decadence
You know, I can't believe fladian missed it (after pointing out so many other mistakes). You spelt diminishing wrong >_<;;;.

"Spells require certain conditions before they can be cast. Example, in order to cast a holy light spell, to heal wounds of the chosen target, the caster must have the rays of the sun to concentrate into the spell. In order to cast an entangling roots spell, to trap a chosen target, the caster must have the grass of a forest beneath his feet."

That was quite a lot to explain 'ambient magic' =P.

Also, try to vary the expressions/adjectives you use - your character seems to be annoyed an awful lot =P.

The point was he gets annoyed at the little girl following him. Now he get embarrassed by her.
Damn, I shouldn't have wrote this in the morning. Last time I do that.
Thanks for pointing those out decadence.
Some people wouldn't know what ambient magic is... now I do. :P

EDIT: Unless I can't get to my computer, I will post the second chapter today.

Last edited by Azhag : 05-25-2005 at 04:15 PM.
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Old 05-28-2005, 03:55 PM   #15
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Sorry for the delay, and the double post. I couldn't get to my computer with chapter 2 in time. Here it is.

-----

Chapter 2
The Journey to Loreshire

“Dantay?� Shannon asked.
“Yes?�
“Where are you from?� she asked.
“Hmm� I smiled “I come from a small village, on a remote island… I can't remember much about it… Why do you ask?�
“Nothing� she said. She was still jumping and swinging from branch to branch.
“Didn't you learn your lesson from before?� I said smartly.
“Learn what?�
“Never mind� I said regretting what I asked.
We continued to my destination. I still felt weak from before.
“So… what are you going to Loreshire for?� Shannon asked.
“Why did you decide to help me?� I replied.
“Seemed like fun� she said “If we keep traveling this way for a bit, we'll arrive at Loreshire.�
I kept thinking about how I got lost in this forest, and why was I so sore?
We came upon an open field, were the sun shone brightly and the birds chirped clearly.
“If you head that way� she pointed forward “In about ten minutes, you will see the fortress.�
“Well, I guess you have a long way back home…� I said.
“This is my home� she said as she jumped away.
I gave a confused look, but then realized what she said.
I headed in the direction she pointed. I suddenly could see the wooden walls of the fortress Loreshire.
I came upon the gate. A guard yelled at me from atop the walls. “Who is it that wants to enter these walls?�
“I am Dantay, servant of the cheif.� I replied.
“Alright, open the doors!� he yelled.
The great wooden gate opened and I entered into the fortress. Within the walls was a small town, with several people selling and buying goods. Lots of merchants came here to sell their stock, and improve their skills in trade. Loreshire was one of the great trade markets of the world. Although it is extremely small, thousands of people come from across the world, to trade their goods and gain experience. As a price, lots of thieves dwell in this peaceful place. Because of that, there was placed a counsel in the town, to manage the thieves, and bring peace to the traders of the outer world.
I headed to the counsel room. It was the largest building in the fortress. I passed by many traders and buyers. A lot of noise was created in this place, because of the constant bartering. Many people argued, and some people even tried to kill for that perfect item. I walked by one particular merchant to hear him bickering with a buyer, about how much gold a piece of armor cost. I continued to watch, to see the buyer pull out his sword and threaten the merchant. I ran over to intervene.
I grabbed the sword wielders arm. “Put the sword down� I said.
“Who the hell are you?!� the angered man yelled. “And why the hell should I listen to you?�
I pulled out the pendant around my neck. “This is who I am� I replied. He saw the pendant and dropped the sword.
“I don't want to see this happen again… you understand?�
He nodded. I then walked away, and headed towards the counsel once again.

I walked by many houses, and merchant huts. I looked up to see the counsel room. It was a massive building, shaped like a tower and had a huge entrance. I walked into the building, and was surrounded by my other counsel men. When they saw me, the chief wizard immediately said “Ah… welcome back Dantay… I hope your trip was good.�
“Somewhat� I replied.
“What's that supposed to mean?�
“Nothing, your honor� I said. “I found a few things strange while I was away�
“Such as?� he said. The chief wizard was very old, and wise. His gray beard touched his chest, and he dressed like a high class wizard. The entire building was a circle, like an arena, and the counsel members sat one floor above the ground. They all sat in a circle gazing at my every move. The chief wizard had the high chair and sat in the middle, facing the doors.
“Well… I woke up to find myself in the middle of a forest, and I couldn't remember anything� I said “I saw a pack of gnolls and ogres fight each other.�
“What's so weird about that Dantay?� he asked.
“Considering the gnolls eyes were pitch black… and an evil aura emitted from them.� I continued “And the ogres eyes were bright blue, like the sky.�
Immediately I knew something was wrong. The chief's eyes opened, and he looked extremely surprised.
“Are you sure of this?� he said quickly.
“Yes, of course… I gave the same look when I saw it… could it be?�
“I think so� he replied “This is bad. Leave us for the moment, we have to discuss.�
“Yes, my lord.� I said, as I walked out of the room. Things were getting strange around here, and I wanted to know why. I knew the counsel would find out the problem. Moments later, they called me back into the room.
“Dantay, it seems your discoveries have made us realize one thing� he said “It seems the lords are trying to revive the gods once again.�
“Are you serious?� I said surprisingly.
“Yes… ten thousand years ago this very same activity happened. The gods took over the minds of the weak, and used them to battle and kill each other. When the victims are dead, their souls get devoured by the lords of each realm. These lords then use this power, to revive the gods and bring destruction to this world once again� he stated “There are eight lords in total. First, we'll talk about the lords of evil: Noshito the Lord of Darkness, Mishito the Lord of Anger, Xashito the Lord of Fire, and Sakushito the Lord of Death. These four lords are used to bring back the god of evil. With his revival, he will do everything to destroy this land. Now we will talk about the lords of good: Sokuta the Lord of Light, Xukuta the Lord of Peace, Arikuta the Lord of Water, and Taskuta the Lord of Life. These four lords are used to bring back the god of good. With his revival, he will do everything to make sure the god of evil never returns, and to restore peace to the land. As you can see, the god of good's job is much harder then the god of evil. Because of that, he will stop at nothing to destroy the god of evil, even if it means the destruction of the world we live on.�
“I had no idea� I said shocked.
“As true as that is, I believe that the gods are already being revived� he said “We have another year, by my estimate.�
I was still in shock. How could this happen? Then it hit me, the god's waged war ten thousand years ago. It seems they begin their revival ritual every ten thousand years. What is going to happen to me, and this world?

-----

There you go, hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it!
~Azhag~

Last edited by Azhag : 05-30-2005 at 03:17 AM.
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