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Old 02-21-2011, 11:00 PM   #1
Axegrinder90
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Cut me some slack guys Im new here lol

The Clan Wars

From the records of the Sylvan Kingdom.

Before the great schism of our kind....we were united as one.

The Ancient's empire spread far and wide across the lands of Valusia; having had conquered much of it from the Ogre Warlords who have since then retreated into the Middle Lands. At it's zenith, it rivaled even the majesty of the Hyperborean Empire to the far reaches of the Northlands. However, when the Black Death swept through the Ancient Empire...it gave rise to a new power....

Behold the dawn of the parasites....

The first ones were known as Shadow Elves. They despised the light and feasted on the flesh and blood of their fellows. After the Black Death died down, the Shadow Elves ran out of their food source. Realizing they could only thrive on carnage, they sought to make carnage. And so, they worked in secret to divide the Ancient Empire from the inside.

In the year 1360 FA, the Ancient Empire shattered.

While riots erupted in the streets, many of the powerful Ancient families fled in all directions. Some fled to Kalen-Tor; the great woods. Others fled to mountain-cities of Angaras. Many chose to remain in the immediate area of the first territories of the Ancients as their kingdom crumbled around them. The Shadow Elves took on a new name...Vampires.

We are divided now.

Those who made the exodus East and North became known as the Wood and High Elves....Sylvans and Praetorians.

Those who remained in the Old Lands of the West and South became known as the Blood or Pure Elves; the Valusians.

The Vampires gathered under a single banner and took over large portions of the Ancient Empire. This area is called "The Wastelands".

These four clans sharing a common ancestral heritage are now at war.

To Ascend the Throne of Gods

I awoke to a new existence....an existence of pain which ebbed and flowed like the tides of the boundless oceans of this world. The first thing that came to my mind was the recognition that I was no longer alive but I was one amongst the walking dead. Half-rotten, barely holding together...my spirit grasping loosely onto the decrepit shell of what used to be called "human". Oh, but little did I know I was to become something beyond by any mortal understanding human...thus I would defy the tyrannous stars and I shall break away from the paths which the gods themselves had lain before me....

I could remember little of what was before...

I know that I am Seth Demicrious...a noble son of the house Helion. I was attacked by assailants sent by the Usurper...my life was taken in the most unkind and abrupt fashion. I can remember being the blackness of the catacombs that belonged to my particular branch of the Helion family...although my body was in all forms of the word "dead"...my spirit...my SOUL...can distinctly remember wandering the halls and grounds of my family's home as a poltergeist. Then, like a hound tied to a short rope, I was dragged back to my lifeless corpse.

And so I awoke from oblivion.

I heard voices as I neared the exit of my crypt. Promising glory and revenge in exchange for service. Were these the gods? Nay. If the gods pitied me so, I would not be damned to this cursed form.

"And how can I carry out the will of bodiless spirits in this sorrowful form I inhabit?"

And so the dark gifts were bestowed upon me. Draconian wings upon which I would descend upon my enemies, claws to rip out their throats, and new found strength that was alien to me. In comparison to my past life, I found mankind to be a fragile thing. Easily breakable. Such a thought would suit me well in the future.

I set about slaying those who took my life. Following their paths from forest to citadel. I practically destroyed an entire empire from the inside out! Never have I felt such insidious energies flowing through my veins....never have I been so confident in my strength as I was now.

I found myself with the Blades of the Fallen...the swords which once were wielded by the dark Seraphim, Judas...and it was with those blades that I slew the usurper. I set ablaze the capital and cast the defiled corpse of the false emperor down the stairways that led up to the palace he had claimed for himself so many years ago before my death.

I left the fallen empire to it's own devices as I set about finding out more about my mysterious benefactors...I was not serving gods as it turned out...merely ancient spirits who sought to make ready the way for their return to near-god hood. HA! I would not be fooled so....

I severed contact with my benefactors and set out to claim the energies of these powerful entities.

When I slew my so-called masters, I absorbed their powers into my own. How ironic it was that the one whom they used to destroy their own enemies became an enemy himself.

With my new powers, I returned to the fallen empire and raised from the dead those who took my life. I bound their will to me and they became my loyal centurions. To them I gave the legions vast of the undead.

The skull emperor they called me in those times.....

....then I found the Way Gate to Ragnos....

When I found the legion and armada of the ancient Proteus standing at the ready upon the barren lands of Ragnos, I knew that it would be I who would take command. While my old kingdom became rotten with the decay of the Lich that I left in command, I began to forge a new one amidst the stars...across the multiverse. With each new world I conquered, my legions expanded. I ceased the cycle of creation as I channeled the souls of the dead, the dying, and the living (when it was called for) into the lifeless shells of the Golden Legion - my grand army.

At the center of my new dominion arose the Throne of Burning Gold; a golden throne ablaze with the powers of the multiverse - of life and death itself - surmounted upon the zenith of ten thousand steps.

My hunger did not end there.

I even dared to make war with the heavens!

The gods didn't stand a chance against me.

I struck them down with a mightly blow. The Seraphim were impaled upon iron stakes, the Titans were beheaded and the gods were bound in heavy chains. I feasted upon their divine powers and I became in all way shape and form a deity.

How foolish I was to think it would last.

The new gods who remained hidden away, being brought into life on the very worlds that I acted as regent over, led a rebellion against me...casting me from my throne and releasing the souls that made up my legion vast. The golden throne and the remaining legions as well as my armada were left on the world of Ragnos.

And I?

Well....for my transgressions I was chained to the pillars of the abyss. My wings were ripped from my back and my powers were returned to the ether of the multiverse.

And so here I exist...in this hell. Tormented by the souls of those I have not released from my service....

There is a legend that says that two great warriors shall fight over the Golden Throne...who so ever wins will become the God of Gods and in effect regent over existence...

Perhaps this is not punishment.

Perhaps I am merely buying myself time before the end...

Perhaps this is only the beginning.
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Old 02-22-2011, 06:02 AM   #2
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Hey, hold on there. Don't flood the Story/Writing forum. If you're going to make additional posts, use 'Add Reply' instead of 'Add Thread'. Otherwise it does what you just did.
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"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

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Old 02-22-2011, 06:07 AM   #3
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yeah my bad dude. the message that said it had to be approved dissappeared tooo fast for me to catch that rule
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Old 02-22-2011, 06:09 AM   #4
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No worries. So long as you're aware that you did it and there's a way to correct it, you're fine.

So, what do you want us to do for you? Just enjoy it? Expecting feedback? If so, anything you want to say in particular? Something bothering you with how it's written? I could keep going.
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"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

1 Corinthians 13:1-2

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Old 02-22-2011, 06:20 AM   #5
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I was expecting some feedback yes. I sent a more detailed reason to you in a PM
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Old 02-22-2011, 07:29 AM   #6
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The Clan Wars

As much as I would like to say something... I really can't say anything. What you've written for the first story isn't so much of a story as it is more like the blurb you would find on the back of a book or a short prologue. It hardly tells me anything.

It makes me wonder whose point of view it is being told by, though. After all, the story said "We," so I can assume that the narrator is part of the story. Other than this person, there are no characters. I don't know who is who or where this is starting. I have a pretty good idea of when it's starting and how things came to be. Why is happened should be explained in the story.

In all: You've put down the blank slate. Now do something with it.

To Ascend the Throne of Gods

This is better. It is less ambiguous; Seth Demicrious (I assume) is the person telling us how things came to be. A funny name for a person who used to be human. You could give him a different name. Then he can obtain another name that he acquires through his villainy, most likely.

There are a few things in life that never change. He's incredibly evil, but he was born human. You can go that way, if you'd like. I do this for my evil people; good, evil characters with good reasons to be evil are the best ones you can make. No one likes a villain that is one for absolutely no reason. The character may keep attesting that claim, but if it stays that way, no reader cares about them and probably finds them as more of a distraction. It may become so in-the-way that people will skip parts where they're involved.

My problem with stories that involve the multi-verse is: it's too huge. It doesn't have to stay that way, but I recommend scaling it down to a single world. It keeps things less complicated.

Then again, with what you have excluding everything after Seth falling from grace, that itself is a story to be told.

I don't know what you're going to do with the Golden Throne, though. Something about two heroes who will fight each other. Maybe Seth is part of something much greater than he believes. I don't know; everything's open ended.
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"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,
I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing."

1 Corinthians 13:1-2

Current Works:
None.

Last edited by Ignitedstar : 02-22-2011 at 07:45 AM.
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Old 02-22-2011, 10:08 AM   #7
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Thanks for your input. I will now go about revising this so that people can care enough to adopt the concept for a map/campaign/mod.
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