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Old 10-25-2008, 11:36 PM   #1
RenegadeMushroom
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Default Shroom's Story Thread

Basically, I've just had urges to write a few stories lately and I don't want to flood this board, just to post my stories :P
The following story is not finished yet, I'll edit/post new content when it is added. :
~~NOTE~~
The following story may be turned into a project at a much later time :P
Obsidian Rage

~Part One~
The slaves were bent low, the lash of fire and ice stung their backs. The rule was haul or torture for the slaves, their lives were filled with misery ever since they had been captured. They were hauling large chunks of rubystone, saphirestone, em'r'ldstone, earthstone and airstone - each one having a lesser elemental bound to it. They were hauling the chunks towards a huge spiralling structure that had been built by slaves before them, with only one difference - it had a large sphere of Obsidian, the most powerful of the elemental stones, a vast elemental lord of Darknesss bound to it, emanating huge quantities of power, which the High Archrite, Earthbinder was absorbing, growing more powerful every passing moment - the High Archrite was three different elementals, which had fused together over 23000 years ago, One of fire, one of water and one of earth. Powerful energies were swirling around the Obsidian sphere at the top of the spiralling structure, drawing darkness from it.
High Commander Necroshade, who served directly under the High Archrite, was a vicious foul beast - composed of Darkness and Undeath - large, twisting, shadowy horns erupted from his head, which was -at the moment - was a black so deep that it swallowed and dampened all the light weaker than him around it. He was laughing - a terrible, deep, booming laugh which echoed throughout the dungeons he was powering through, screams rushing towards him, as he went to oversee to torture of his most hated enemy, a Troll leader by the name of Tel'Norath - it was his screams that bounced off the walls, rushing towards Necroshade, fuelling him, literally giving him strength and power. Necroshade arrived, and when he halted, his shadowy form shifted out of place, and shifted back - moving with the force of the sudden stop. The screams were unusualy deep for a troll, reverbrating throughout the dungeons, making all the slaves within recoil in fear, retrating into the shadows. Some were sobbing, others were hollow of emotion - tortured beyond the point of expressing emotions. Looking into their eyes was the worst punishment any other slave could withstand - their eyes deep, but hollow. Necroshade heard the whimpering sobs and let out a fierce bark of terrible laughter, scaring the slaves even more. He drew the power of their fear, and the energy flowed into him - a blink of purple and black filled the dungeons, the energies overflowing. His dark form spilling over, a dark shroud covering the ground across the entire Spiral Fortress, all the slaves dropping to the ground in fear - all but one, a Storm Ent who had inherited the powers of his ancestors, with this brief disturbance he had the opportunity he had been waiting for - he been waiting over three years for this moment - freedom at last! With the precious seconds he cast a small dispel around him, and filling the cleared area with thunder, emanating from him, he fled the Spiral Fortress, the shroud was absorbed back into Necroshade who was very confused, but very pleased - this was the most powerful he had ever been! With this much power a few more times, he might just have been able to take control the the Elemental Archodium - becoming the High Archrite and absorbing Earthbinder into himself. Then he heard a roar of fire from the grounds, he went to check, and there was a cluster of dead slaves amidst a blackened trail, with static occasionally zapping forth. He knew what this meant. The Storm Ent had escaped - bad things were going to occur for the Archodium all at once...

~Part Two~

High Archrite Earthbinder let loose a howl of fury, as he rematerialised at the top of the Spiralling Fortress. He roared out across the grounds, "Being me High Commander Necroshade, you blasted fools!!" All heard him - but the slaves did not fear the High Archrite as much as High Commander Necroshade, for Earthbinder was not pure evil, he merely wanted revenge upon the mortal world for locking him and his species in the Great Void.
High Commander Necroshade stood at the top of the Spiralling Fortress, being interrogated by Earthbinder. "I was of the impression that you were on my side, not against me and setting my slaves free.." he said in a low hissing, but powerful, voice.
"And you're impression is correct milord." Replied Necroshade, his voice calm and steady. Earthbinder lashed out wildly at a nearby wall, and watched the chunks of rock fall down and crush a slave. He roared, "THEN WHY DID YOU LET THAT STORM ENT ESCAPE YOU BLASTED IDIOT!!"
Necroshade recoiled in fear and pain as an inferno of twisting fire water and earth smashed into his shadowy hand, pain searing through his arm as the hand withered and died. "I-It couldn't be helped m-milord.."
"To see Necroshade the great, evil entity experience fear and pain would give my slaves great pleasure, you realise? Perhaps you should be tortured in front of all the slaves? It would give them a great deal of morale, make them work better, harder, longer.."
"You should do what is best milord, I have no duristiction over thee," Necrosahde replied.
"No, you don't - therefore, I sentence you to one mortal's week of torture in the grounds, the slaves will watch every morning and every night, as you are strung up and lashed with a whip of the light!"
Necroshade cowered in fear as he walked into the courtyard.
***
The Storm Ent was ploughing through the snow, as it decked his branches in a cold, white blanket - his elemental pursuers close behind. His only hope was to find one of the great forests, where all Ents were welcome. He ran on with renewed energy as the hope of seeing his own kind again after a decade of wandering and slavery. He was only 150 years years of age, having only achieved sentience approximately 50 years earlier. Suddenly a fireball soared past him, hitting the snow and exploding in a shower of fire and ice. He turned around for a moment and launched a small barrage of lightning and wind at them, the wind slowed their progress and the lightning zapped them, sending hundreds of volts of energy coursing through their elemental bodies. He then quickly summoned a powerful wind to carry him up, over the snow. The winds carried him to the largest forest in all the world. There he slowly, respectfully, he walked amongst the tree trunks, waiting for more of his kind to come...
***
A light elemental prepared to spring it's whip-arm forth, with all the ferocity of the sun. Necroshade was lashed onto the post with ropes made of pure darkness, souls calling out to him from the rope. Earthbinder spoke the words Necroshade had been fearing he would: "Begin the whipping, High Commander Soulblaze." A grin spread across his even, but twisted features - revealing his feral teeth, blazing in his mouth. Sunblaze, the one who was whipping Necroshade froze for a moment, then he returned to normal as the realisation that he had been promoted to High Commander swept over him. Sunblaze eagerly began the whipping, a count of the number of whips continued as the slaves roared at Necroshade, taunting him, mocking him - some even laughing at him. The minutes of agony stretched on, the crowd still roaring. Necroshade could faintly hear a count being kept as he drifted further and further out of conciousness....27.....28.....29....
Necroshade passed out at 50, as his shadow form could bear no more. Sunblaze was about to deal another blow when Earthbinder stopped him and said, "That's enough for now, my friend - we will continue the whipping at the slaves next feeding time. The crowd dispersed, the slaves motivated to do thier work, in anticipation of the next whipping. Being in slavery for so long here had turned them into savages, the thirst for blood unquenchable - this Earthbinder knew, and so he motivated them - by torturing the one who had bought them suffering.
***
The Storm Ent walked for many days, calling, for his mother, for his father. His brother had gone wandering seventeen years earlier than him, but he had never come back in all that time. Suddenely a large Ent stepped out of the trees, looming over them. The young Storm Ent whispered, "Hello, Mother" happiness coursing through him. His mother stooped down, rustling the many leaves in the trees as she did so, and picked him up and put him on her shoulder.
"Hello, my son," she replied, pride and joy giving her barklike feminine body a radiant glow, not a visible glow, but a glow that could be sensed.
He gripped his mothers arm tightly, and told her of everything that had happened to him. When she heard about him being enslaved, she went into a mad fury, then the elemental pursuers found their prey. They saw the mad Ent and scurried out of the way as she sent a pillar of ice towards them, sticking in the ground. It looked a bit like a large crystal that had suddenly erupted from the ground.
Then, behind the elementals, six balls of pure energy blasted into them in quick succession. They arched their backs, as the painful agony coursed through their body one last time, before they were enveloped by pillars of ice.
***
The punishment was increased, for if it was not, Earthbinder knew that Necroshade would simply stop being hurt by it. This time, a constant stream of needle-like light was stabbing into him. He roared in fury and pain - the High Commander Sunblaze laughed. The slaves had hungry, bloodthirsty looks on their faces - one even laughed.
Through all the noise of his howls of pain, Necroshade could not think straight. But there was one thought he had in his mind, holding on it as if it were the only thing keeping him alive. As a steady black ooze began to spill from his arm, he recited in his head, for about the hundreth time that day: "Death will walk amongst my old comrades in arms, who so willingly betrayed me to High Commander Sunblaze - and Lord Earthbinder will be destroyed, and I will rule over this world!"
***


Last edited by RenegadeMushroom : 02-28-2009 at 06:37 PM.
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Old 10-26-2008, 10:24 AM   #2
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Ok, for a start if your gonna write any more stories then put them in [hidden] tags please.

Theres not really that much i can say about something i so short, but it was interesting and it was an interesting idea about the elemental stones, even if it wasnt unique.

Quote:
Originally Posted by you
the High Archrite was three different elementals, which had fused together over 23000 years ago, One of fire, one of nature and one of earth.
pretty much the same thing, might wanna change one to water or something
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Old 10-27-2008, 01:48 AM   #3
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Thanks for the feedback, I'm updating the story right now :P
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Old 10-28-2008, 02:27 AM   #4
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I wouldn't say that it's the hidden tags. You should make more paragraphs. Since Wc3c lacks the ability to produce indents, it's okay to make more paragraphs then you would usually, especially dialogue. For every indent that should be there, I would suggest that you make it a paragraph. Some people may complain, but that's all that I've ever been able to do about it.

One other thing that I will suggest is if you would not lengthen a sentence with more commas then are needed. The point in a comma is to create a pause, but if there's too many pauses, it sounds like hyperventilation. For example:

Hidden information:
Quote:
Originally Posted by RenegadeMushroom
They were hauling the chunks towards a huge spiralling structure that had been built by slaves before them, with only one difference - it had a large sphere of Obsidian, the most powerful of the elemental stones, a vast elemental lord of Darknesss bound to it, emanating huge quantities of power, which the High Archrite, Earthbinder was absorbing, growing more powerful every passing moment - the High Archrite was three different elementals, which had fused together over 23000 years ago, One of fire, one of water and one of earth.


Oh yeah, the bold text is what could use some correcting.

By the way, the way you use hyphens, or the "-" is not in the way that I was taught how to use them. Is there something I don't know?

One more thing. These are your stories. You really don't need to change anything if you don't want to.

Finally, the story itself: I kind of want to know where this is all leading to.
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Old 10-28-2008, 03:41 AM   #5
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Thanks for the input. I can't really explain the way I use hyphens, I never really was good at explaining things - however, I can say that I use them a bit like commas, but that's it really :P
What the story is leading to

Basically, The Storm Ent escapes, Necroshade has plans of killingor banishing Earthbinder and rise to power - The Storm Ent then incites insurrection within the Entish forests (or rather rebellion) against the Elementals and they march to the Spiralling Fortress. This rebellion fails and the elementals march upon the mortal world. (Cliffhanger leading to another story most likely.)


Well, I guess that's more of a summary but whatever :P
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Old 10-28-2008, 02:31 PM   #6
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Wow, sounds and disturbingly like something I wrote awhile ago.

Either way I like where its going, as long as its not set in the Warcraft universe Im happy.
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