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Old 10-19-2008, 08:15 PM   #17
Rao Dao Zao
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkwulfv
New^2:
-The boy ran alongside the dog, sweat drenching his brow and falling to the ground, leaving moist splotches on the ground as a reminder the boy had been there.

Except you repeated the word 'ground' too close together, and so it sounds clumsy. :(

In fact, I think that second reference to "the ground" is entirely redundant.
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